5 Common Areas Where Grief May Appear

Over the last decade, I've seen five key areas where grief commonly surfaces for parents considering donor conception disclosure. You may find yourself grieving the idea of your child's well-being, the legitimacy of the non-genetic parent, or your family’s place socially, culturally, and within your extended family. Recognizing your grief helps you move toward acceptance and openness.

Consider whether grief might be connected to any of the following concerns:

1. Grief about your child’s emotions:
Will my child be hurt or upset by knowing about their conception?

2. Grief about parental legitimacy:
Will the non-genetic parent feel like less of a parent or face rejection?

3. Grief about social belonging:
Will our family feel isolated or different from other families?

4. Grief about family acceptance:
Will our extended family or culture fully accept our child?

5. Grief about uncertainty or lack of knowledge:
Does disclosure truly matter, and how do we even begin to talk about it?

If you are not sure which category your concerns fall under, read the statements in the next Exercise and rate the level to which you agree with each statement. You may have concerns related to one or two categories, or you may have a few concerns in each category. This is completely normal. Rarely do parental concerns fall under one category alone.